


I'm Gonna Love You

by paddedjaralecki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 13:17:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6376282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paddedjaralecki/pseuds/paddedjaralecki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A promising glimmer of hope contrasts his life as Castiel's world is shattered. A new school, and seemingly no hope for anything to improve, he meets the Winchesters. Teenage romance take a spiral down, and nothing will ever be the same to Castiel's world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

September, 2013

Music waded trough the door of his closet. The only available plugin was in it's roof. It was annoying to say the least, having to reach up and switch the CDs out, but alas, he had a television and a lamp, so the other lonesome plugin was occupied. The other slot in the closet was almost constantly used by his phone charger. He really needed to get the third outlet set fixed.

He heard a 'holy mother of-!" Followed by a loud thud while he looked for a shirt. He looked cautiously outside of his door. "Gabriel?" He asked.  
"Sorry Cassie. Shirt fell." He heard the reply   
"Sounded way heavier than a shirt, Gabe." Castiel replied, marching back to his bed, picking a random shirt to through over his jeans.   
"Yeah, well, I was in it." Gabriel explained, walking into Anna's room. "Come on you big lard, you're gonna be late." Anna groaned in response, rolling over, and hitting the floor. "Jesus Christ." Gabriel shuffled to help her up.

Cas looked himself over in the mirror, before scooping his shoes up and lacing them on. Gabriel and him took a while to get ready, but Anna was literally a small bolt of lightning. She got dressed in like ten seconds, and did her hair in five. Her makeup took two minutes, too, so she was ready to go in roughly ten minutes, where Gabriel and Castiel took almost an hour.

When they left , finally, for school, they just barely caught the bus,and by just barely, I mean that they got there right as the last few people climbed on. Gabriel took a seat in the back,along with Anna, and Castiel sat in the only remaining seat, next to a tall boy with long hair. He apologized for making the boy scoot over, and placed his bag on his lap. He was nervous as hell for the first day. He moved to the small town in the middle of the summer, and didn't get the chance to meet anyone his age.

Halfway to school, or, he guessed halfway, the guy started talking.  
"My name's Sam." He stated.  
"Oh, uh, I'm Castiel." Cas replied.  
"What year are you in?" Sam asked.  
"I'm a junior, third year of highschool." Cas replied.  
"I dont look it, but I'm just a freshman. I have a brother, Dean, who's a junior, though." He said.  
"I have a sister named Anna who's a freshman. My older brother's a senior, his name is Gabe." Castiel replied.  
"That's cool." Sam replied.

It seemed to be the end of their conversation, so Castiel took a look back to his siblings. Gabriel, as usual, had already made a friend, and Anna was talking to some girls across from her. Castiel was happy that they were making friends.

~~~

When they made it to school, Castiel was first off the bus, followed by Sam, and two others he didn't know. He chatted with Sam for a bit, before the bell signaled for classes to begin. Castiel went to his homeroom (he was told in advance) and got his schedule. He had gym first. He met a girl named Meg, who was a bitch, but a fun bitch, who smacked his ass and ran circles around him, all the while calling him 'angelface' and 'Clarence'. In algebra, he didn't really do much other than almost fall asleep,and the rest of the day was alike. All he got was a bunch of syllabi for Gabriel to mess around with

On the bus, Sam pulled him into a seat in the back. Gabriel was sitting with a boy with blonde hair, green eyes. Anna was behind them, and Gabriel was reaching back and swinging blindly in an attempt to get something from her.

"Dean!" Sam said, a bit too loud. Everyone on the bus paused and the proceeded their chatter.  
"Sammy, what?" The blonde guy, Dean, leaned over Gabriel's back and looked to Sam.  
"This is my friend Castiel, he's in your grade." Sam announced over the roar of teens in the front.   
"Nice to meetcha." Dean's accent came through to his speech. Castiel laughed once, and said hello.  
Gabriel got what he wanted, his phone. He leaned back, squishing the extending Dean. Dean let out a yelp. "Oh, hey Cassie, see you've met Deano here, he's in my Spanish class, and art." Gabriel revealed his collarbones, making two girls stare and Castiel look curiously, until he saw a crudely painted rainbow. "As you see, we've gotten along well." Gabriel said, releasing his stretched shirt.  
Castiel chuckled. "I see." He replied.

The bus came to a screeching halt. The students clambered out of the small doors, Castiel being pulled out of the seat by Gabriel and Anna.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Implied Sabriel

Mid-September 2013

Gabriel was eating Frosted Flakes slowly. Very slowly. "You okay little bro? You look disturbed." Gabe joked."I am disturbed." Cas replied quietly. Anna looked over in confusion."Why so?" Gabe let his spoon sit in the bowl."Because, Gabriel. I woke up last night at four AM." He gave his brother a glance. Gabriel had lost all color."You didn't see anything." Gabriel said in a harsh tone."Are we not talking about this?" Castiel replied."About what?" Gabriel pushed his bowl away. "I, I've lost my apatite." He looked seriously shaken up."Gabriel you know we love you right?" Castiel said after him. Gabriel slowed."Yeah Cassie, I know." His voice was calmer. "Next time dont come in my room, lucky for you we only were sleeping." He threw a wink and left the room to get his book bag. Cas poured the remaining milk in the sink, along with the bowl inside of it.~~ On the bus, they both sat in the back, a habit, now. But now Sam and Gabriel insisted on sitting together. Dean sat with Castiel."Hey, Dean, how old is your brother?" Cas asked. He had grown a bit more comfortable with Dean since he came over once or twice to spend the night with Gabriel."Oh uh, he turned 16 just before you guys came." Dean paused and raised an eyebrow. "Why?""Well, I've known you guys for around a month now, I thought I should know. Gabriel's only 17. I'm 16." Castiel said. "I'm really proud of Gabe, he skipped a grade, born too late in the year to be with people he age, so he was with me." Dean opened his mouth to speak before- "I'm adopted, is how that's possible. He has a big nose and blonde hair and shit and we basically look nothing alike. I'm technically not even legally my dad's son, but Gabriel used to be my best friend and Chuck's technically my legal guardian." Castiel explained. Dean was giggling. "Dean, I don't understand, why are you giggling?" Dean laughed harder."I, oh man," he held back laughs, "I just never heard you cuss before Cassie." He erupted into more laughter. "Don't know why its so funny, maybe because you look so innocent." He finished, then he noticed what Castiel had said. "My name is Dean Winchester, I am 16, and I do NOT giggle!" Castiel nodded. "Informative."

~~  
They had an hour long lunch period, so Castiel did get to see Dean, and everyone else, again. Halfway through, he had potatoes in his hair, and Dean handing him way too many napkins. He giggled again, and Castiel thought it was cute in a 'friendly' manner.   
That was interrupted by a scream. It sounded like... Meg? Castiel's head whipped back, along with everyone else's, and holy shit. Lisa just punched meg in the nose. Everyone had gossiped about it. Everyone included Castiel. Everyone knew about it but Lisa. According to rumors, Dean and Meg got a little too frisky. They didn't sleep with each other or anything, but dean had been wearing high collared shirts for about a week.   
Dean, poor, sweet, innocent Dean didn't even remember. He popped up out of his chair. Meg staggered and slurred a profanity, before punching Lisa in the stomach. There were a lot of 'oooooooooooooo" 's and etc. Dean ran over and caught Lisa right when she fell. Castiel shot up as well and rushed to the girls. That's when Megadouche came in. Everyone but Lisa, Meg, Castiel, and Dean scattered. Gabriel reached to go to Castiel and explain what happened to Metatron, but Sam wrapped an arm around him and kept him rooted to the spot.  
Castiel and Dean were told to get away, Metatron luckily "saw the whole thing"  
Lisa wasn't unconscious but was crippled over. With some effort, she got up. Meg was glaring at her and biting her lip. Lisa, however, was glaring at Dean. Castiel knew why. Everyone did. Everyone but Dean.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassidy is from Season one. Dean was in love with her. Remember the racist truck ghost? Yeah, her.

Castiel was a procrastinator. He wouldn't lie about that. It was one of the features that led him to get terrible grades. He was now hunched over four pages of homework he had put off until the night before the due date. Halfway through the second page, he almost had a heart attack. The cause was his ringtone, it was screaming. He didn't know why he set it to that during his grungey emo phase, but never changed it. Procrastinating would be his end.   
He picked the phone up and slid the icon to answer. It was, of course, Dean. His mind was fraught with a bit of worry, but mostly confusion. Why was Dean calling him at 2AM?   
"Dean?" He answered shakily.  
"Hey Cassie." Dean said into the phone, his voice thick with sleep. Cas put the phone on speaker, and went back to his homework.   
"What's up buttercup?" Cas said into the phone, only half joking.   
"I, uh, its two am. Why are you awake?" Dean slurred the middle of the last word, before catching himself.   
"Dean." Castiel furrowed his brows, and leaned over to the phone, as if it would help.  
"Ya?"  
"Are you drunk?"   
"Uhm, Whaaaa... Noooo, Pffff!"  
"Dean."  
"Okay yea I'm drunk. Why does it really matter."  
"Why are you drunk?" Cas dropped the pencil and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
"Because Lisa." Wow, Dean wasn't gonna beat around the bush.  
"Well, is Sam awake?"  
"Uhh, no."  
"I'm coming over." Castiel decided. He heard a noise of protest but cut it short with a tap of the red button.  
~~  
Castiel had some bad paranoia. Walking two streets down in the dark was hard. He had to snap his head back a few times a minute, and then check his surroundings for anyone watching him. The streetlights shone eerily around him as he paced quickly to the familiar house. Dean's house. He only had been over a few times, but it was Dean's house, how could he forget?   
He trailed his hand along the wooden rail that lead him up the stairs, almost tripping twice. He didn't bother to knock.   
The house smelled like Dean, Sam, axe, and cinnamon candles. Cas pinched his nose as he crept to a room in the very back of the hallway, the light was on. He walked in to find Dean playing on his phone. He only noticed him when Cas sat down.   
"Oh, heya Cassie." Dean slurred, sitting the phone on his bed beside him.   
"Dean, where did you even get this?" Cas glanced to the empty vodka bottle on the carpeted floor.  
"M' dad. Used to be an alcoholic. Not no more, but I found some bottles."  
"Dean, alcohol caused the problem. Don't cause another." Castiel said, and Dean looked strangely like an upset toddler, his ears ready to burst into steam like a small train.  
"Shuddup Cassie." Dean pulled his knees up to his chest.   
"Dean, you're not going to drink your feelings like this. You're not the only one with an ex alcoholic da- legal guardian." Castiel moved up to Dean. Dean paused.  
"I know Cassie, its just real hard." Dean responded.  
"Yeah, Deanie Weenie, I know it is." Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, who started to cry a little. Dean never cried.  
"I didn't even know, about me and meg, it ain't my fault, but it is Cassie. What am I gonna do? She's gonna leave me Cassie, I love 'er." Dean had wrapped his now seemingly frail arms around Castiel, speaking into his shirt.  
Castiel felt a pang of an unknown feeling in his heart. His stomach dropped and rose, and his face went red hot. "You, uh, you love her, right?"  
"Yeah, a 'course I do." Dean mumbled hopelessly.   
"Then if she loved you she'll forgive you, you were drunk, Dean." Castiel reminded him.   
"I guess you're right." Dean sighed, and left the comfort of Castiel's arms. Cas sat up.   
"I'm gonna go make some food." Cas reported.  
Dean started to argue, but he ended it when he felt a growling in his stomach.   
Cas rose, and went to the kitchen. It was relatively clean, just like the whole house. The only clean room had been Sam's, whom he had taken the liberty of spying on. Cas pulled open the fridge and the freezer. He didn't find anything but a box of corndogs.   
He almost jumped out of his skin when a warm hand reached out of the darkness of the hallway and touched his shoulder.  
"Castiel?" Came the sleepy voice.  
It was Sam. "Thank god. You scared the crap out of me!" Cas half exclaimed. "Want a corndog?"  
Sam cocked an eyebrow, before mumbling a sleepy yes, and trudging off to his room.  
~~  
When the corndogs were done, he reached for them with a washcloth, and dunked them into two bowls. He brought the first one to Sam, who mumbled something about how he shouldn't be up at three AM. Cas had poured a generous amount of ketchup in the bottom, and was now dunking the tip of his corndog in it as he entered Dean's room. He seemed to have stopped sobbing, just tucking in his knees and letting tears flow.   
"Hey, I got corndogs." Cas said quietly.  
Dean didn't reply, just unfolded himself and took a corndog. He didn't bother with ketchup and ate it in a few bites. He didn't speak.  
"Dean? You're scaring me man, talk." Cas sat the bowl down, and touched a hand to Dean's thigh gently to calm him down.  
"I just..." Dean started, and didn't finish.  
"Yeah, I get it." Cas replied in a bittersweet tone.  
Dean smiled weakly. "I'm gonna be alright, I think I can sleep this off."   
Cas bit his bottom lip. "Don't go to school tomorrow, its gonna be a rough hangover." Cas suggested.  
"Dude, I'm gonna be okay, have me a Bloody Mary, I hear they help." Dean paused, and looked around, "You wanna stay?" He chewed his lip.  
"Oh, uh, sure, of course." Cas replied. "I have to text Gabe though." He put on a small smile, whipping out his phone and typing a message.  
'Sorry Gabe, I'm at Dean's, its three am, yeah, I know, but it was important. Love you bro. Bye'   
He reread the text, before sending it.  
Cas climbed into the bed with Dean. His stomach did that flippy thing. Dean turned his lamp off and tugged the lamp over the two. Dean fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow. It wasn't so easy for Cas. He struggled for a while with keeping his eyes shut. He concentrated on the deep, steady breathing of his friend.  
~~  
Cas didn't wake up when he planned to. He woke up at 5 PM with Dean tucked into the sheets with him. He glanced around for a moment before slowly recalling the events of the previous night. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. He sleepily shook Dean. Dean didn't wake up.  
So, instead, he got up. His phone was blinking.   
' Alrighty '  
'Hey Cassie where you at bro'  
'CASTIEL, YOU DIDN'T SKIP SCHOOL DID YOU???'  
'Cas I swear please don't be sleeping with the Winchester '  
Cas flushed.  
'I was up until like three, I fell asleep and I didn't get up in time!' He typed. He stuffed the phone down in frustration. Dean shifted next to him. He flushed. God dammit.   
~~   
Early October, 2013  
~~  
Castiel never thought about the way Dean acted. He never thought about it until it reached the night hours of late four AM. He never wished for Dean like this. He never did until now, until he was a nervous wreck from unknown terrors of the world. He wanted Dean. Dean. Dean was always there for him. It was too late into the night for him though. He never wished for another guy to hold him while he cried. He never wanted to know what his friends lips tasted like.   
In the Winchester household, Dean groggily watched a YouTube video. Lisa was gone, but he was learning fast to live without her. He ached in his stomach, wanting to fill the voice the rough breakup had left. He only had loved th-two people before. Cassidy was hard, but he forgot that pain, and now it was back twice as strong. He desperately needed to have companionship. He turned the phone off. Dean felt a few tears leak, pressing his face into the pillow he was holding in place of a person.


	4. Chapter Four

Mid October, 2013  
The school days had become bleak. The pattern was repetitive, the only spark of color being his lunch hour. Dean was there. Dean and Jo. The two were almost cousins, but not anymore. Cas didn't feel like she didn't deserve him, because Dean was happy again. Dean smiled more and more, but he didn't see Castiel smiling less and less, maybe because the only few times he smiled was when he saw Dean.  
~~  
Dean was becoming good at hiding his emotions. He was caving in inside every time he saw Castiel. He learned to control the tomato effect, but the butterflies were still going, his heart still beating as fast as a freight train, and craved Cas's presence. Why would he show that? Instead, he laughed and put his arm over Jo's shoulder and laughed at her bad puns. Castiel, smiling as usual, was chattering with Charlie, a new student. Redhead, gay , obsessed with bands and geek stuff. Like him.  
'Well, unfortunately, he's not gay. ' Dean thought.  
It was kind of okay, since I was just a thought. He still felt bad about it, though, and thought back to the lectures on the demon of homosexuality his dad gave him all his life.  
"Dean?"  
Dean was snapped out of his daydreaming. "Oh, sorry. Hey, I'm gonna get to class early." He excused himself. It was only a few minutes until class anyways. Anything to avoid his feelings.  
~~  
Castiel still sat with Dean, especially on Fridays. The new route held two stops, both small stops. They were the second. Castiel was doodling when his sharpie was snatched.  
"Cassie I'm gonna draw on you." Came a playful threat.  
"I hope the hell you do." Cas shot back, smiling. His stomach did a flip.  
"You're asking for it Novak." Dean towered over him, before pouncing with the sharpie. "I'm gonna draw A DICK!"  
"I will END you , Winchester!" Cas smiled, holding off Dean. He smiled also because he was nostalgic for before this silent drama happened.  
The boys were interrupted.  
"Hey! Cut it out!"  
"Aw come on Mrs.Georgia , I wasn't hurting him!" Dean complained to the bus driver, climbing off of Cas. Castiel turned to face Dean.  
"Can I come over today?" He asked.  
Dean cleared his throat and sat up, an apologetic look aimed to Cas. "Sorry buddy, I think Jo's coming over tonight."  
Cas felt his ears turn red. "Dean you're not gonna- you know- are you?" He cleared his throat.  
"Oh my god, Cas, no!" Dean said, then laughed. "Boy can your ears get red." He chuckled.  
"Wha- shut up! We all know you're not Mr.Innocent!" Cas shoved him out of the seat, onto Gabriel.  
"Sammy, can you get this?" Gabe asked, crashing into Sam, who was sitting on the inside reading. Sam smiled and shoved his brother onto Castiel.  
Castiel giggled as Dean fell into his arms.  
"You sure you're not a thing?" Gabe asked, trying to press one of Castiel's buttons.  
"Yeah well I could say the same with you and Sammy, if we were really related it would be incest, Gabe, don't be gross." He joked.  
Sam suddenly became very interested in his book and Gabe's smile faded, and he stopped talking. There was an awkward silence.  
The silence shattered with the screeching of the bus to a halt. The remaining people left the bus, the Novaks, Winchesters and now Charlie were the last off, following the horde of other teens. Cas and Charlie were neighbors. The house beside him had been vacant for a while before she moved in. They parted ways and went in their houses.  
~That Night~  
"CASTIEL OH CASTIEL LET YOUR HAIR DOWN OR OPEN THE WINDOW." Charlie called, tossing marbles at the window across the narrow space separating the houses.  
Castiel chuckled loudly, pushing up the window in time for the screen to reflect a blue marble.  
"What?" He asked, pulling out the screen window.  
"I'm bored." Charlie answered. Followed by a loud beep.  
"What is that?" Cas asked. The beep sounded like... a fire alarm?  
"Oh, that's a bird." Charlie answered. Seeing his confusion, and hearing another beep, she went into her room and brought a small cage with an African Gray bird. The bird looked Cas directly in the eyes.  
"Whore!" It screeched.  
Castiel flared his nostrils. "Charlie what is your bird hearing from you?"  
"Meow!" The bird yelped. It sounded exactly like a kitten.  
"Oh my god that's awesome." Cas responded.  
"Her names sausage." Charlie said, beaming with pride.  
"Of course you would come up with that." Cas rolled his eyes.  
"Can I come over for the night?" Charlie asked.  
"I don't know, my da- Chuck is pretty strict about girls coming over." Cas reminded her.  
"Dude. You realize I'm a lesbian, right?" She countered.  
"I'll tell him that." Castiel cocked an eyebrow, before leaving.  
Castiel exited the room and made the march to Chuck's room. He knocked before he came in, welcoming the fairly new sight of a sober Chuck. He sobered up because if he didn't he couldn't keep Anna and Gabriel, much less watch for Castiel. The lawsuit was a pain to go through, the worst being visitation rights. Castiel's biological mother had died, his father had gone batty, and his real brothers were off doing his knows what. Visitation rights. Brothers. Dad. Brothers. Visiting. Ew.  
Cas lost those thoughts as he entered the room of his legal guardian.  
"Chuck?" He called. Chuck looked to him from the bed, where he was watching a TV show about... fishing?  
"Oh, hey Castiel." He sat up.  
"Uh, can my friend Charlie come over for the night?" Castiel said anxiously.  
"Well, Cas, we've had this talk, no girls over."  
"She's a lesbian, Chuck." Castiel jokingly told him.  
"Oh. Uh, I guess she can come spend the night." Chuck responded. Castiel said a short goodbye and raced to the window. Charlie wasn't there, but he got a clue where she saw when there was a knock on the door.  
He rushed downstairs to meet a redhead and a confused Gabriel.  
"Why do you never tell me when you have guests?"  
"Don't tell me how to live my life, Gabe." Castiel hissed, pulling Charlie up the stairs.  
As soon as the door was shut. "So, you and Dean?"  
"Oh my god , Charlie, no!" Cas flushed. How did she know?!  
"Oh my god, Cas, you have such an obvious homo crush on him. You blush every time you see him, you get all nervous, you're in love with him!" Charlie told him. "I mean, you've known for a while now, that you're in love with him, its ruining you isn't it?" She speculated. The last bit was playful.  
"Okay, fine, I think that Dean's hot and a great guy and stuff but I don't think I'm in love with him!" Cas blushed furiously.  
"Alright. Whatever floats your boat." Charlie said, sitting her bag down. "You got Netflix?" She grinned as she spoke.  
"Hell yeah."  
~~  
Castiel woke up with half his torso handing off the bed, Charlie was spread-eagle on the mattress. He fell down, of course. After brushing himself off, he woke Charlie up.  
"Never said anything about pushing me off the bed."  
"Oops."  
Charlie went to the bathroom to change, and Cas changed while she was outside of the room. They both then headed to the living room. Chuck was there on a typewriter, being frustrated by the lack of a backspace, and praising whiteout.  
Charlie and Castiel were soon joined by Anna and Gabriel. They all sat in groggy silence, watching whatever show was on. Charlie occasionally called someone hot or insulted their eyebrows.  
~~  
Charlie went home around five. Castiel went back up the stairs, down the hallway, and to his room. He pulled his phone from the charger, checking the messages. He had, of course, none. The messages saved had no reply. He typed out to Dean.  
'I'm bored and did you deflower anyone?' He smiled  
About a minute later he got a response.  
'Almost ;)))) but Jo is an innocent 'child of god' so I'm gonna have to marry her first. ' His stomach dropped to his shoes.  
'Planning on it?'  
'On whut '  
'Marrying her'  
' Cas man why do you care? Are you planning on marrying me? '  
Cas flushed, and decided on sarcasm, his hands shaking.  
'Oh yes, I'm gonna be Mrs.Winchester, we'll adopt three kids and live on the beach down in Florida. '  
'Did you just propose to me '  
' ;))))))))))) '  
'Omg crying at this yes we're married its canon '  
'Dean cut it out, and where did you learn that vocabulary? '  
'You and charlie '  
'Mkay hubby, come over when your side hoe goes home (PS. Just joking about Jo being a hoe) '  
'Alrighty wifey. '


	5. Chapter Five

Jo left at Eight, and Dean came over, as promised. He walked into Castiel's room, interrupting Castiel's fast cursing.   
"Cas?"  
"OH CRAP!" Cas ushered his ear buds out.  
"Was that rap?'   
"I, uh, I'm not sure."  
"Wow, Cassie, you're a real hood bitch these days." Dean beamed at him.   
"Shut up Harold."   
"Whatevs, Michelle." Dean and Cas both had red faces. "You blushing?" Dean smirked  
"What?" Cas lost his blush, his eyes widened. "O-of course not." Then he tilted his head and squinted. "Why are you laughing?" Cas was cut short by a tackle.   
"Awe, you're so small, so delicate, such a small baby child." Dean mimicked Charlie.   
"Alright Charles. Get off me, you're hot." Cas said.  
"I'm hot?" Dean was barley suppressing a blush.  
"I meant heavy!" Cas wasn't suppressing the blush. "I didn't mean hot!" He buried himself in a pillow for just a moment before popping back up. "Okay, dean, if you're so bent on my admittance, you're hot, a definite panty dropper, all the homo."   
Dean rolled his eyes. "I know, didn't have to remind me I'm sex on legs."  
Castiel laughed. "Oh yes, Harold."  
"Oh yes Michelle."  
~~  
The two spent the day goofing off and ignoring the show, having several popcorn battles. They went to bed late, but didn't care since it was Saturday.  
"Thanks, Dean." Cas said suddenly as they tried to sleep.  
"For what?" Dean sat up and cocked an eyebrow.  
"Not freaking out."  
"When?"  
"When I said I thought you were hot. I think I have to come clean about something, Dean."  
Dean's heart fluttered with hope. Dean already knew he was in love with Castiel. He would leave Jo in a second. He would leave his homophobic parent for him too.  
"Okay, Cas, what's up."   
"Dean, I- ugh," he dropped his head into his hands. "Don't worry about it." Cas felt his heart throb.  
Dean had a matching broken heart, and tried his best not to show his disappointment.   
"Oh." He failed. Cas jerked his head up.  
"Dean? No, no it's not your fault, I trust you. Youre my best friend! I just cant talk about it with anyone, I thought I could but I cant, I'm sorry." Castiel admitted glumly.   
"Its alright."  
"Okay.  
"Night."  
"Night."  
~~  
Cas slept. Dean didn't. He clutched a stray pillow. It wasn't fair to him. It wasn't fair that he spent his life thinking that when you love someone you get to be with them, but this wasn't true. Dean had felt like this for Cassidy in Eighth Grade, Lisa since Freshman year, but he stopped loving her. Losing her was more like trying to convince himself he was missing her, not Cas. He had been missing Cas. He started to love him the second his saw the shy blue eyes turn into bright, happy eyes. Castiel had been barely hanging on, and it was easy to see so.   
He was so hoping that Cas was gay or something, at least he would have a chance. He heard the way some girls talked about him. Even Meg, they all thought he was the hottest pie in the bakery. He saw what Castiel didn't. He saw a girl once spill something because she was busy staring at Castiel. Dean saw his freshman year photo. He was literally pitiful, but he had blossomed. He was gorgeous. He had the jawline of a god and his completion was clear and bright with youth and life, with eyes bluer than the skies.  
Dean didn't like thinking about Castiel. It made him smile, but then when he actually saw him, he loved to be near him, but he felt sick around him, and he got hot and bothered. They make love sound amazing in books, but he really never understood it fully until now. Cas was the first person he couldn't get.   
He fell asleep against his will.  
~~  
Halloween  
~~  
Dean was woken by his father.  
"Get up you lazy bums. We're doing the hayride again." He was yelling to the boys. Sam groaned, as well as Dean.   
The two had to haul hay from the back of Bobby's truck to the trailer attached to their dad's truck. Then they had to put more hay on a trailer on Bobby's truck. In the end the two trailers were covered in blocks of hay and fall-themed blankets stapled into the hay. All that was left was the people on it.   
Jo and her mom, accompanied by Bobby, were the first people to arrive. The boys' grandpa came, Samuel Campbell. Castiel, Anna, Gabriel, Chuck, and an older man in seemingly his mid-twenties with jet black hair and blue eyes staying by Castiel. Unexpected was the turn out of the oldest Shurley brother, Lucifer.  
Gabriel was in a Toga and wearing a pipe cleaner halo, matching with Castiel. Lucifer had a pitchfork and a The older guy and Chuck both were not dressed up. Anna was matching with Jo, dressed as Zombies. Fake tattoos of cuts and and gashes. Fake blood dribbled down their lips. It wasn't that bad. Sam and Dean had fake tattoos of cut open skin that revealed mechanical parts on their arms and faces. The young man introduced himself to the Winchesters as Michael. He was Castiel's biological brother, and he was aloud to visit on holidays. Castiel adored him in a brotherly way.   
On the way back they had bags brimming with candies, and felt frozen to the core. They all went to the Winchester's place, where Chuck and John talked about how angry and secretive their children were. That came to a halt when Chuck said something he shouldn't have.  
"Yeah. Castiel wasn't my kid yet but he used to be obsessed with this kid, huge crush."  
John replied with a "What happened with that?"  
"Well, I think since Cas started getting tall that he scared him away."  
"Him?" John stopped smiling.  
"Yeah." Chuck said shyly, knowing he had royally fucked up.  
"Oh." John scanned the area. He found Dean with an arm wrapped around Jo and the other on Cas's shoulders. John put on a dangerous smile. "Well, I think its best everyone gets home for the night. Dean, Sammy, can to talk to you?" Sam and Dean said goodbye to a the others and went to their father, watching their friends retreat out the door.  
"Yeah dad?" Dean asked when they reached him.  
"I have some bad news." John said. Dean's stomach dropped.  
"Yeah?" Dean said, keeping his voice even.  
"I don't think you can hang out with that Castiel boy anymore." John paused. Dean had, without realizing, dropped his mouth open. "What's with the slack jaw?" Dean closed his mouth, and Sam stayed quiet.  
"Dad, he's my best friend. I can't just stay away from him like that!" Dean argued.  
"Dean, I didn't wanna tell you the reason, but that boy's a faggot." Dean flinched at the word, and Johns eyes shone dangerously. "I don't want you and Sam being influenced by that abomination." He finished, his tone of voice showing it was final. He got to his doorway, before announcing to the frozen stiff boys, "You're not riding that bus near him. Dean, you're gonna drive the impala. You got a license now, right?"  
"Yeah dad." Dean mumbled.  
"What?"  
"Yes, sir." Dean said, louder this time.  
"And I don't mean to avoid him near me, I'm gonna call Ellen and get Jo to keep an eye out. Don't be going near Gabriel either, he might as well be one too." This made Sam waver. Gabriel and him were a very obvious item, though not announced. Sam was often seen with a hand around Gabe's waist, an arm around his neck.  
"Yes sir." Dean spoke for them. They went back to their rooms.  
Dean cried himself to sleep that night. Sam didn't sleep at all.


	6. Chapter 6

arms, his face, his lips. Each time professing his love.  
"Dammit, Cas, I'm so crazy about you, I know I said this so many times but god I'm not joking, I don't know how else to put it." Dean breathlessly announced. He leaned up to Castiel's lips.  
"Oh god, I know." Castiel half moaned in his mouth as a response.  
"Let's not get too carried away, though." Dean reminded him.  
"Trust me, I would love to mark you up and make you scream." Cas bit down on Dean's lip softly. "I'm holding back."  
"Same here." Dean said, thumbing at Castiel's shirt. The two parted just long enough to remove his shirt.. Dean ran his hands over Cas's skin, feeling the pale skin and every crack and crevice, exploring the chest of his friend, the same for his back. Dean smiled against Castiel's lips before he slowly pulled away. Castiel understood.  
"But Dean, when will I see you again?" Castiel worried.  
"At school, you idiot." Dean replied playfully.  
"Dean, I see how Jo and everyone else patrols you, they keep you away from me." Castiel admitted. "Why did you think I was up at three in the morning crying?"  
Dean stood, Castiel still sitting on the bed. He placed a gentle kiss to Cas's lips.   
"I love you." Dean said.  
"I love you, too, Dean. So much." Castiel returned, then stood to follow Dean out of the door.  
~~  
Colors were brighter in the world of Castiel Novak. Dean had to practically beat blondes away with a stick now that he and Jo broke it off, but at least he didn't get with them. Charlie and he had two classes together, plus lunch. As soon as Dean left he climbed through her window, knowing she would be awake by the glow behind the curtains. She wasn't very surprised. He told her everything, but not the details. Charlie, being their number one shipper, was ecstatic. The looks she gave Dean in the hallways made it clear she knew what happened, and Dean wasn't surprised. Castiel was careful to avoid Dean, and Jo.   
Vicious rumors about the breakup were circulating. Someone said he cheated and she broke it off, another claimed he just was playing the field. Dean took them well. Only a few tense words were exchanged between the two exes, but they knew it wouldn't work out. Dean, well, he's Dean, she had said. Dean was Dean. Castiel loved that, and didn't see how she had been able to make it sound offensive. She just did.


	7. Chapter 7

he year went on, full of honey soaked kisses and salty raindrops pelting onto their faces as they were separated. They prayed for salvation in each other's arms, and dreamed of the other's sweet lips against theirs. The last of the year went by cold and harsh.   
~~~  
New Years Eve, 2014   
~~~  
Castiel stomped the snowy crust off of his shoes. It didn't snow much that winter, but the worst had just hit. Almost a foot of snow piled onto the grass. Trudging back and forth down the rode cause three children to stay in sick, and a report of minor frostbite had occurred.   
He entered his house, greeting Gabriel and Anna at the door. He hadn't seen Dean for a few days, and it was a little worrying, as he normally visited every day or every other day. He guessed that John ,his father, had been working him, as he had heard through the grapevine that the shiny black Impala they drove had broken down.   
Surveying the room, Castiel said hello, and walked up to his room. It was too hot for someone else to be comfortable, but Castiel was not anyone else, and preferred the heat to be extreme. He stripped the blue sweater off of his body, tossing it in a pile at the bottom of his closet, before removing an article of clothing, pajama bottoms, and putting them on. What else would he wear all day?

2AM THAT NIGHT

Castiel pulled a binder out of his bag and slammed it onto the crammed desk that was next to his closet. Stepping onto the chair, and almost losing his balance, he slipped in a custom CD of his favorite songs, the result of a late night and too much time.   
They were mostly love songs. Old songs, some. He pressed play, and let the end of a song roll out. He heard a familiar, slow, tune begin, and hummed along.   
"I go out walkin"  
Castiel opened his binder and flipped through to his homework. He reached for a pencil out of his cup, and stabbed his hand, but didn't miss a beat.  
"After midnight, out in the starlig-"  
The CD was scratched up after that, the CD player releasing hissing sounds as Castiel started singing along to it.   
"In hopes that you're somewhere a' walking, after midnight" His tone carried out. He wasn't half bad.  
"Searchin for me~" a deep voice rang in his ear.   
He froze up. "D-dean!" He stuttered in surprise.  
"Hey baby." Dean replied, "wanna dance?" He gestured jokingly.  
"There isn't enough space in my room anyways." Cas muttered, standing to be eye level with Dean.   
"Well we can move our party of two downstairs. You realize what day it is, right?" Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist.   
"New years." Castiel realized.   
"So," Dean paused, getting dangerously close to Cas's lips, "where's the family?"   
Cas was frozen by the breath against his neck. The heater had long been turned off, but he was still sweating.  
"Uh- out." Castiel stuttered.   
"They gonna be back tonight?" Dean thumbed Cas's lips.  
"N-new years party." Castiel cleared his throat. "No, won't be back until- oh!" His embarrassed stutters turned into small moan, hands shooting to Dean's shoulders.  
I love you, Castiel Jimmy Emmanuel Novak Shirley." Dean used his full name. "Damn, Castiel. I love you so damn much." His lips trailed along the sharp collarbones that he was currently claiming.   
"I love you, too, Dean," Castiel replied, halfway collecting himself, "I dont know your full name, but I still love you more than I've ever loved myself." He paused, "I love you more than I think I can ever love someone else." Castiel finished.   
"I love you more than my self, too. I would die for you, I would kill for you." Dean paused. "No, seriously, give me a name and the bastard's dead." Then he went back to Cas's neck, and talked against it. "There's not a word in any language to describe how much I love you." Dean spoke.   
"God damn it Dean, stop marking me up and kiss me." Cas demanded.  
"As you wish." Dean left one more kiss against his collarbones, before Castiel put his hands on his chest, and slowly placed him on the bed. He sat down on Dean's lap, and felt a bulge. He was sure he had one too, but at this point didn't know, nor care. He slowly circled on Dean, before being dragged down on top of him. It was a slow progression. Lips were locked and the key thrown away, while they subconsciously moved against each other in a grinding wave. They broke apart only for air.   
Dean shed his shirt, but his arms went immediately back in a frenzy. Cas took this opportunity to drag his hands up and down the chiseled chest in front of him. His own wasn't too bad, but not amazing when compared to Dean's. Dean caught Cas's hand as it fiddled with the loops on his jeans.   
"How far do you want to go?" He eyed him gently.   
"I wouldn't rather lose..." Cas paused. "Lose my virginity to anyone else."   
Dean looked at him funny. "Oh Cas, you're beautiful. I hope I dont break you."   
"You won't, where did you get that idea." Cas squinted his eyes.   
"I dont know. Something I heard in a dream. It wasn't to me but it felt like it was, and it's true so far." Dean allowed. "I break everything I touch."   
Castiel pressed his lips lightly to Dean's.  
"You're not the one who made people broken, Dean, you only think that."   
"Why would I think that unless it's true?" Dean mumbled.  
"Because you're broken." Castiel pressed into the kiss.  
And so they made love, slow and gentle. They made a moment so life changing that it would stay singed into their beings as long as time would go on.  
Finally, Castiel collapsed against the bed, lying with Dean. He turned over and pressed one last kiss to Dean's head, before drifting off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Gabriel and Chuck returned at eight in the morning. The day was off from school, even though it was a Thursday. For Gabriel and others, it was a great time. For Castiel, however, it was pure agony. He could barely walk, and was sore as hell, but it didn't keep him from doing his duties. He powered through the day.   
Around six, his phone buzzed from somewhere in his bed. He was hardly on it, no one but Dean ever texted him. What was unusual, was it was a number he didn't recognize. When he picked it up, the noise was a little static, and the end was quiet.   
"Hello?" Cas called.  
"Oh, just checking that it was you." A familiar voice responded through the light static. "I'm at Jo and Ellen's diner. They, apparently, have a payphone." Dean explained.   
"Okay, but why are you calling me?" Cas asked.  
"Because," he paused, "because, Cas, this is the only way I can talk to you in the daytime."   
"That's sweet, Dean, but I'm sure there are other ways."   
"I love you."   
Cas flushed. "I love you, too, you idiot."   
"Hey!" Dean called in defense.  
"Dean, Dean no I was using sarcasm." Castiel explained.  
"Cas, baby, I know. You take things too literal."   
"I know, Dean."  
"Anyways, I'm gonna pick you up around seven."  
"Dean, I have to ask."   
"Castiel."  
Cas made a noise of protest. "I know."  
"I love you, see you around seven."  
"Love you too."  
"Okay bye."  
"Bye."   
A beep signaled the end of their call, and it left Castiel blushing madly, smiling at his phone, but he then shuddered when he thought about asking. He hasn't ever been good with asking for things.  
He walked cautiously into Chuck's doorway.   
"Hey dad?"  
"Oh, hey Cas." Chuck responded.  
"Can I go out tonight around, like, seven?"   
"With who?"  
Cas faltered. "Some friends."  
"So with Dean? Or Charlie?" Chuck asked slyly.  
"Dean." Castiel tensed up.  
"I'm gonna use my context clues, and assume his dad doesn't know." Chuck guessed.  
"I dont think so, no." Castiel replied  
"Sounds lit. Do it."   
"Dad, no dad, you're not cool."  
"Its a meme."  
"Goodbye."   
Castiel was left laughing, and it helped him ignore the throbbing sensation in his ass.   
He slid his blue jacket on over his clothes, and grabbed his phone, along with spare change that amounted to about five bucks. He rushed down the stairs and sat down in the kitchen. Only a few minutes later he heard his back door creak open. He snapped around to meet Dean.   
"Hey babe."   
"I'm coming."  
Cas walked out of the back door, where Dean grabbed his hand with his own and walked with him down the road, hand in hand. Castiel wasn't used to this public display, but Dean seemed confident and cool about it, so he did too. He huddled next to his boyfriend in the cold weather.   
"What do you think about camping, Cassie?" Dean asked as they turned the corner out of their neighborhood.  
"Camping is," he paused. "Fun."  
Dean smiled and clutched squeezed Cas's hand and lead him down the road. Waiting around another corner was the Impala. Windows frosted over, and cold to the touch due to the freezing weather, with a thinner blanket of snow draped along the ground. Dean paced to the door, and unlocked the passenger's side.   
"M'lady?" He gestured for him to sit. Castiel obliged, and was shortly seated beside Dean in the passenger seat of the impala.   
"Love you, baby." Dean assured Castiel.  
"What's up?" Castiel asked suddenly.   
"What do you mean baby?" Dean asked in return.  
"You're all of a sudden affectionate, Dean. I know something is wrong."  
"No, Cassie. Its just that even if I'm having a bad day, I just love seeing you. You're my baby, I love you." Dean was positively beaming.   
Cas flushed. "Dean, oh god." He buried his hands in his face. "You are sweeter than I could ever deserve."  
"No, baby. You deserve more than I could ever give you." Dean was trying to keep his eyes on the road.   
"Dean, you know so little about me. I know you love me, and you know I love you unconditionally, I think I always will, but I dont know if you could handle the things I could tell you about myself."  
"Then tell me." Dean decided, pulling into a parking lot. He got out, Castiel following. They shared a moment of eye contact for a moment, before Dean pulled Cas past a few lots, and to one with a red camper. Lot 79, complete with a grill and a picnic table.   
Castiel eyed the lot curiously while Dean unlocked the door to the camper. Castiel climbed in after in, and almost bumped his head on the ceiling.   
"Dean, why are we in a camper?"  
"Because, Cas, I wanted to cuddle with you in a place that didn't have adults breathing down your neck." Dean took a few steps to the end of the camper, leading to a bed with a very small TV set, a tape player built into it. He leaned over while Castiel shed his jacket and climbed into the small space, forced to be very up close and personal with Dean. Eventually, they settled into a position that was like a hug, legs intertwined, and arms wrapped around each other, the two hands sitting between them uncomfortably were locked together, and their foreheads were pressed together in bliss.   
"Wanna just talk? No one knows I'm out here but Sammy, and no one else cares. Jo and me are cool, now, so you can talk about things you didn't want to out there." Dean offered.  
"Dean, are you sure?"   
"Yes, of course."  
Castiel's ocean pools met Dean's clovers.   
"Ugh," Castiel shifted a little, "I always have known Gabriel, ever since we were little always called him my brother." Cas trailed off a little. "When I was seven or so I just stopped being interested in things. When I was around ten I found out i had depression." He bit his lip, and winced in anticipation of Dean's reaction.  
"You," Dean paused, " have depression?"   
Castiel looked down, signalling to Dean that tat wasn't a good thing to say.   
"Baby, no. I love you, but you seem happy with me." Dean stopped talking, and lowered his voice, "baby, you didn't ever..." He looked down to Cas's wrist.   
Castiel tried to stay calm. "And then, walking home from my old school one day, my front door was open and I heard screaming. I went in and I was thinking that my Dad had gotten angry and screamed at my mom, but I went in and my mom was bleeding and there was," his voice cracked and wavered, "there was glass everywhere, and my dad had broken the back door window and then he broke something and my mom fell on the glass and cut her cheek and then they just slept in separate rooms and she acted like nothing happened, and he woke me up and he-" Castiel caught himself, choked up. Tears streamed down his face," he did such horrible things to me, Dean. I never told anyone. I never feel clean anymore, Dean. I feel like I have to peel off where he touched me because when I scrub so hard I get burn marks on my skin it still feels like I'm disgusting- " he choked up, and broke.  
Dean felt him quaking in his arms, and soon heard noises close to sobs as Castiel pressed his face into dean's chest. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel protectively.   
"Shhhh, baby. I got you. No one can hurt you. Please baby, I love you baby." Dean kept telling him, whispering in his ears.   
"You made me feel good again, Dean." Castiel shakily spoke, barely audible. "I felt like when you touched me instead it washed it away, Dean." He semi clawed at Dean's shirt. "When we aren't together I still feel like I'm dirty. I'm so glad that you're with me now, Dean. I feel like I'm finally okay."   
"Castiel Novak, I am never going to leave you unless I die. I might be a teenager and people will tell me I'm stupid but I promise I won't lose you, you won't lose me. I can't even think of what I would do without you." Dean held him tighter in his embrace.   
"Oh god, Dean, I love you so much." Castiel clutched his boyfriend.  
"You're a treasure no man should own." Dean chucked lightly into his ears.   
"You're too good to be true." Castiel said in a haze.  
"I'm not the best either. Drinking problems since I was fourteen. Mom died. Abusive dad, yeah, I'm totally perfect." Dean rolled his eyes a bit.  
"Dean, you are perfect. " Castiel pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek. "Give me a hundred dollars i don't care what its been used to buy, or if there's writing on it, because it's worth a hundred dollars. You're worth more than money could buy, Dean." Castiel yawned, stretching a bit on the comfortable mattress. He rested his tearstained head in the crook of dean's neck, and drifted off to sleep.  
He woke up when his phone was ringing violently. He untangled himself from Dean, and sat up, answering the phone.   
"Hello?"  
"Cassie?" It was Gabriel's voice.   
"Gabriel, is something wrong?" Cas asked.  
"Yeah, it's midnight and we still don't know where you went and if you're alive or anything." Gabriel partially exclaimed.   
"I'm with Dean, sorry," he wiped his eyes that were clouded with sleep, "we talked about our feelings and then we took a nap." He yawned. "I'll be home in a bit. Sorry for not saying where I went, bye." Castiel could have swore that Gabe had tried to make him not hang up, but he ended it anyways.   
He turned to the sleeping boy beside him, and laid back down, careful to not fall back asleep.  
"Dean." Castiel said softly. "Dean, baby, wake up," dean stirred.   
"Cas?" His eyes fluttered open gently.   
"There you are." Castiel pressed a kiss to the lips of his boy.   
"Why are we up baby?" Dean sleepily made a grab for his boyfriend's hands.   
"Gabriel woke me up calling to see where I was. You have to take me home now." He squeezed Dean's hands.   
"M'kay." Dean sat up, dragging his hand along the bed, and yawning.  
Castiel put on the blue jacket that laid on the floor, and handed Dean the jacket he wore over every outfit. They left the camper, clambering and half awake, into the impala.   
Dean kept a hand on Castiel's thigh the entire drive, ignoring Castiel muttering that they were going to die. He pulled into the driveway, and opened Castiel's door for him.   
"You're home." Dean stated the obvious.   
"I know, Dean." He mocked.   
Dean gave him a hug, and then planted a gentle kiss to Castiel's lips. Castiel delved into the kiss. Dean held him, and gentle eased them apart.   
"I'm gonna tell my dad." Dean said, suddenly full of determination. "He has to know."  
Castiel chewed his lip. "Is that really a good idea? Your dad cut contact with me for being gay, I don't know what he would do with you." Castiel eased.  
"The bitch can kick me out, I don't care. He isn't there for me or Sam, he never is. He doesn't even know my birthday anymore." Dean looked down.   
"January twenty-fourth, 1979." Castiel looked at him with wide eyes.  
"I only ever told you once, how did you remember?" Dean smiled.  
"I couldn't ever forget about you, not even a single detail." Castiel admitted.  
He leaned in and stole one last, brief kiss from Dean, before departing ways, with hope in his eyes.  
"I love you, Dean."  
"Love you too." They beamed with hope.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean staggered in around 4AM. His face was dripping with sweat and what appeared to be blood, slamming on the door of the only other place he could call home. Castiel was fortunately awake, lying a level beneath, able, just barely, to hear. He grumbled up the stairs, and reluctantly opened the door. He wasn't reluctant when Dean fell into his arms. He didn't care that sweat and blood was getting on his bare chest, he cared that it was dripping from his boyfriend.   
"Dean, oh my god, what happened?" He urged, helping Dean limp to the couch. Chuck would deal with it if he got blood on it.  
"Dean, Dean what happened?" Castiel ran in a frenzy to pull out a small gauze roll and wet a washcloth at the same time in their kitchen.   
Dean mumbled something incoherent and groaned, presumably in pain. Tears pricked at Castiel's eyes.   
"Dean please tell me just one word, any word, come on." He pleaded.  
"Cas," Came the one word Castiel was anticipating.   
"Oh my god," tears streamed down Castiel's cheeks, as he patted the dampened rag onto his boyfriends head.   
"Cas," Dean tried weakly to reach out for him.   
"It's going to be okay, Dean." Castiel tried to stay strong wit his reply. Fumbling, he gauzed up the wound as well as possible. "I'm getting you to a hospital." He shakily entered Chuck's room and came out with a set of keys. "I need to get Gabriel, I can't drive."   
He ran up the stairs in a flash and came back in almost five minutes with Gabriel and a shirt. Gabriel's face contorted into worry before he struggled to help Dean into Chuck's van.   
~~  
"We think he has a contusion." The doctor pointed to the image. X-ray scans. X-ray scans of Dean's brain.   
"What's that?" Castiel asked, taking a break from chewing on his nails.  
"A contusion is a bruise to the brain itself, contusions cause bleeding and swelling inside of the brain around the area where the blow took place."   
His hand shot up to his mouth again.  
"Normally, this takes place in sporting or car accidents, now, are you sure you have no idea what happened?" The doctor pushed.  
"He wouldn't speak, he couldn't. I dont know what happened." Cas's voice was shaking.   
"We dont know if it will have to be surgically removed or not, nor if it's severe, but as far as we know, he doesn't have insurance until February. We have to warn you about some symptoms of contusions, such as memory loss, attention problems, emotional disturbances, numbness, and loss of ability to understand and or express speech." The doctor held his breath and waited for the response. Castiel just closed his eyes and wished he was back in the camper.   
"Gabriel, run home and get my pills. I haven't taken them, and it's been eight hours since we came here. I take them at eight." Gabriel patted him on the back, and left. Chuck was called, along with John, who made a bullshit excuse not to come.   
"Can I see him?" Castiel asked, mostly to break the silence.  
"As you're the one who brought him here, you may, but he might still be unconscious." The doctor warned.   
"I don't care if he's awake." Castiel agreed, before leaving for the hospital room where Dean lie. It was cold inside, and smelled of cheap plastic and dried blood. It didn't smell like Dean. Dean smelled, even now, faintly of axe and cinnamon. He wasn't unconscious, but was clearly not focusing on anything or anyone, including Castiel.   
"Dean?" His voice broke.   
"Cas?" He turned his head, then went to hug his boyfriend. "Why are you crying- why are there tubes in my arms? What happened?"   
"You have a contusion, a bruise on your brain, and you're bleeding. You're in the hospital, and it makes you forget stuff sometimes." Castiel tried to explain.   
"I want to hold you, baby. You're crying." Dean was confused, but looked off to the ceiling in awe. Short attention symptom.  
"You might have to get surgery, Dean." Castiel gulped.  
"Oh, I'm going to be okay if I do." Dean trusted himself too much.  
"I love you, Dean." He swallowed, a few tears streaming down his face.   
Dean didn't hear, and oh god it fucking hurt. The love of his life, beaten, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, he knew John did it. For being queer. For being with him. Now he couldn't even say he loved him back. Couldn't remember to. Castiel wouldn't ever forget anything about Dean. He started to wonder if Dean felt the same for him. He breathed for Dean. He loved for Dean, and was in every way addicted and devoted to Dean. He put no material object, and no man above Dean.   
Dean just thought of Castiel as a replacement for Lisa. Black hair, defined features, pretty. He doubted the genuineness of Dean's love for him for the first time. He glanced uneasily at Dean, only to find his eyes already focused on him.  
"I love you too, Castiel Novak." Dean replied.  
Castiel knew then and there that Dean loved him. If he had something close to temporary young people Alzheimer's and remembered what happened minute ago, it was genuine. Castiel linked his hands with Dean's pale one. Dean had lost some blood.   
"I love you." He repeated.  
"I know. Love you too." Dean put on the Winchester charm, and even when he was pale and bleeding, it worked.  
Castiel smiled and squeezed Dean's hand. Dean, however, was in lala land again. Castiel wiped his puffed up from crying eyes and took a deep breath. A knock on the door signaled Gabriel, who was waiting outside.   
He approached Dean, before handing Castiel his pills and taking a seat next to Castiel.   
"You okay Cassie?" Gabriel offered weakly.  
"Hell no I'm not, Gabriel." Castiel fell into his own hands.  
"Really there isn't anything I could say to make it okay, and you know that, but I know he can pull through this, and then you can do gay butt stuff again." Gabriel patted him on the back. "I've gotta get back to Chuck. He was worried, sorry." Gabriel apologized, and left Castiel alone, with only the steady beat of Dean's heart to his lonesome.  
Castiel lied his heavy breaths into his folded arms. Dean didn't understand why he was crying, and didn't seem to care. Castiel hated seeing Dean all doped up, but was happy to see him again.  
"Cassie?" Castiel's head shot up. Dean went red a little. "You're crying? You okay?"   
"I'm okay Dean, just sad. Go to bed or something, I'm sure you would be feeling better when you're back awake." He smiled at Dean.   
"Okay babe." Dean drifted off to sleep as told, under the influence of drugs not meant to be slept on.  
~~  
Castiel woke up with being slammed out of the hospital room, urgent voices, and a falling heart rate. Dean Winchester was dying, and Sam Winchester was collapsing in the hallway. Seeing Castiel, he didn't know what to say.   
"I'm so sorry to couldn't have been here for him." Sam's voice shook.   
"It's okay, Sam, he's gonna be okay." Castiel tried to keep his own voice steady while Sam poured his eyes out.  
"Dad didn't come- didn't wanna." Sam explained, attempting to gather himself.  
"Your father did this, didn't he?" Castiel ground his teeth together to keep his nerves.   
"I don't know, I-I was at a friend's and I came home and I just saw dad and I saw blood on Dean and I flipped and so I was beating my dad off him with a frying pan so he would hit him again." Sam finished, with an urgent and frightened tone.   
"Has anything like this happened before?" Castiel let an arm out to Sam's shoulder, a reflex, and it seemed to work for both of the Winchester brothers. Sam's breathing slowed it's pace.  
"Yes, my dad does this all the time, I just never thought to report it." Sam took up Dean's way of dealing with intense emotion, and bit down on his fingers, that were placed across his upper lip.   
"Oh, Sam, you idiot!" Castiel half yelled, voice fraught with worry, "I don't give a damn if he flicks you, you report it, Sam. Child abuse is not a damn joke." Castiel was breathing hard. "I can't believe he didn't tell me. I know why your dick of a dad did it, too. You do, don't you?" Castiel wasn't sure if they ever had outright told Sam about them, but Jesus Christ was it obvious.  
"I knew he snuck out to see you. I don't get it, just because you're gay? I know dad doesn't like it," his voice faltered, "But why would he beat him just for seeing you?" Sam   
"We've been fucking, Sam." Castiel stated.  
"Oh." He paused, "Ohhhhh, that explains a lot." Sam blushed. "Couldn't you have just said you were, dunno, dating? I don't wanna know what's been in your ass, Cassie."   
"I haven't seen you in a while, Sam."  
"I know you haven't; how's Charlie?" Sam asked.  
"She's being her dorky self. She got a bird, and it's name is sausage. I was gonna go to her house but John decided to be an asstown and hurt Dean." Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat, before, once again, tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to overflow. "I just want Dean to be okay, Sam. What if he died?" Tears swam down his face.   
"If he died I would have killed John." Sam answered.   
"Same here, Sam." Castiel wiped his tears. "Damn."  
"I know, Cas, I know." Sam breathed.  
~~  
"We don't want more than three at a time in the room other than family. " The doctor announced to the now filling room of people. Charlie had gotten wind of the mishap, as had Ellen and Jo, along with Dean's uncle Bobby. Gabriel returned with Chuck and Anna. Garth, a dorky teenager who was not yet acquainted with Castiel, and Benny, who didn't live near, but Sam had notified, also came. Meg and Lisa came together, seeming to forget their differences for the time being. Everyone had been told through some means why Dean was injured and who did it. Castiel felt their eyes like daggers stabbing into him.  
The first ones in were family. Sam, and Bobby, followed by Garth, who turned out, after some conversing, to be their cousin. After Garth left the room, Ellen and Jo ushered through, and a look of apology swiped across Jo's face as she briefly looked at Castiel while entering. Lisa went in after them.  
After what felt like an eternity, Castiel was biting down on his lip, almost to the point of bleeding, while anticipating seeing Dean. Lisa burst through the door. Her eyes were wide, and almost to the point of crying. She couldn't even speak to them. Something was very wrong.


	10. Chapter 10

Castiel took a fragile step forward. Dean can't be hurt. Dean can't be... dead? Castiel took another bound past Lisa and past a doctor who tried to tell him no one was allowed in the room. Sam followed close behind. Dean was unconscious for a moment. Then awake. He flickered in and out of reality. 

"Dean?" Castiel extended a hand weakly out. His eyes swelled with tears. He twirled around to face the doctors. "What happened?" Worry thickened his throat.

"The contusion was more severe than we first thought." A female nurse piped up nervously. "A-and the flow of blood to his brain tissue where the bruise formed was cut off when he moved in his sleep. the contusion is just smaller blood vessels being split open by force but a larger blood vessel also seems to have been cut off. He should be okay." She spoke very quickly, frightened. Probably because two young men around the height area of 6' were both clenching their jaws and fists, staring at her.

"Does he have to undergo surgery?" Sam asked, voice shaking, and sounding very volatile.

"We have to repair the large vessel that popped, but the rest should be able to heal on it's own if nothing else happens to him." The doctor answered. "Just don't let him sleep for too long at a time." The doctor glanced at Dean, who was looking at the two boys, looking confused. 

He uttered one confused, and utterly horrible syllable. "Who..? "

Castiel felt a pang in his heart. Maybe a heart string tore. A tear slipped down his face. And another. Another. Another.

"For now all we know is no one should be disrupting us for Dean's sake. For now he's going to be stuck in a minimally responsive state, and he wont be able to respond to you, so it's no use." The doctor stepped aside from the door, dragging the nurse with him, as another nurse was on the other side of the door.

Castiel nodded, and wiped his tears, before walking out. Very calmly, very cooly, he walked out. He walked out of the sitting room, out of the front lobby, and out of the front doors. He walked out of the parking lot, and then he ran. He ran down roads, and past farms. 

He accelerated back through his memories. He ran past the bus that he met Dean on, and paced alongside the impala when Dean gave him a ride to school. He saw himself creeping to a drunken Dean's room late at night. He passed the trucks holding the hayride's supplies, with Dean sitting on the back. 

He ran far past that place, and into a thick wood. No one would find him. He ran away from himself, losing physical feeling when the rain started to pelt his back like icy daggers pinning him down to the ground- down to reality. The feeling in his feet went first. Then his fingers, and hand. His legs. He didn't stop running until he tripped over a stump, flying over.

He landed against the ground with a thud. Who the fuck decided to put a stump on the trail? Only he wasn't on the pathway he tried to follow, and may have run off of it long ago. He was drenched in water, and the winter's cold bit at him harshly. He curled up, crawling to a cluster of trees, and pulling himself between them as if they would give him shelter from the cold as they did from the rain. He would barely fit.

He panted. Physical exertion was not really his forte. he felt a hole gaping in his chest, like he had hole in his heart, or his lungs, or both, and he couldn't breath and he wasn't sure if he felt his heart anymore. He didn't think that he could deal with this shit. They were finally happy together, but John had to ruin it. John couldn't have a queer. John was a fucking dick, and Castiel could think of a few ways to kill him, and he wished he could.

He missed Dean. He felt tears rush out of his eyes and fall onto the ground from his thinking of him, the warm and fuzzy feeling replaced with sadness and doubt, mixed together with fear. Dean was the only thing on his mind when the rain stopped, and the first thing on his mind when he inched through the woods on a foot he couldn't feel.

He saw the rain pick up again, and limped up to the edge of the woods, wiping his eyes, and cupping around them, and his heart crushing the crust of earth when he saw what it was. An RV camp. Dean's was staring him in the face. He ran even though he thought his legs would break. He ran inside and peeled his wet, dirty clothes off like a layer of second skin. His phone rang from the floor. 

"Gabriel?" Castiel was shaking from cold, and shaking from emotional trauma.  
"No, it's Sam."  
Castiel covered the mic and sighed. "Yes, Sam?"   
"You just ran out, and Gabriel left his phone here, but Chuck said you weren't at home, and no one can find you."  
"I don't wanna be found." Castiel choked out.  
"Cas come on I'm sure when Dean comes to he would want to see him."  
"I can't be with him." Castiel's voice shook.  
"Castiel." Sam asserted authoritatively. "Dean is in love with you, and you're in love with him, too, I know you two are facing some things right now but-"  
"God dammit, Sam!" Castiel shook, "John hurt him, because of me, Sam, because he loved me!"  
"Castiel, just tell me where you've went or we're calling the police."  
"Sam I'll come to my house but I wont tell you where I am."  
"Bullshit you're telling me where you're at."  
Castiel hung up. 

'I'll come home when I'm fucking ready to go home, Sam, but I can't right now because I'll hurt someone.' He typed.

'You come to my house and I'm going to make sure I know where you are and so does Dean.' Came the reply. Cas scoffed and tossed his phone back carelessly. He was standing in his damp boxers and his socks were discarded, soaked. He paced to the bed, and hitting his nose was the smell of axe. Blue axe. Dean wore that. He paused, before turning to a cabinet near the bed, opening it, and finding Dean's clothes. 

It didn't feel odd to slip into a red flannel that was just a dab too large, not even buttoning it, and grabbing a pair of faded grey sweatpants that Dean had worn once or twice. He got a jacket out. He knew it was stupid and pointless, but he tossed himself into the bed, and clutched Dean's jacket for dear life.

He fell asleep like that.


	11. Chapter 11

"Castiel fucking Novak you tell me where you are or I swear to all that is holy I am going to have a manhunt and when I find you it won't be pretty." Chuck blared into the phone. Castiel actually had winced and had to hold his phone away.  
"I refuse to come home and I don't want to." Castiel put it in the simplest of terms.  
"You're fucking funny, Cas It's four fucking AM and I'm still sitting here and you haven't come home. Sam said you're not over there, Charlie went out out look for you, and Dean isn't allowed visitor at this time, so where are you? Anna also said hello."   
"Hi Anna, and Chuck, I'm seventeen! I'm fine for a night wherever I want to be." Castiel tried to defend himself.  
"You're my child as of three years ago and I know you love Dean but really you're just wallowing in your own pity. I wouldn't say this normally because your boyfriend scares me, but I have to let you know that you think you're so independent and we both know you're not. You depended on Michael, and then you depended on our family, and now you let your happiness depend on Dean. I know, Cas, I know this is the last thing you wanna hear right now but It's important you know."   
"I do not want to come home."   
"Did I ask what you wanted? No I told you what would be best for you and what you're gonna do."  
"But Chuck-"  
"No. One more hour then Charlie is turning on your phone's GPS for me."  
"Okay bye."

Castiel didn't wait for his father to say goodbye. He was not going home. He didn't care. He was going to call his brother. 

"Michael."   
"Castiel, you are aware it is four AM, correct."  
"When is the next time I can go over there."  
"You're always welcome, Castiel. You live with the Shurleys but you're still a Novak."  
"I am Castiel."   
"Of course, brother."  
"So, I know I am welcome but I have no way of transportation."  
"Are you asking me to come get you?"   
"If at all possible, yes, Michael."  
"Me and Luke-" Castiel heard a brief, 'It's Lucifer!'. "Me and Luke will come get you in the morning. Oh, and if Chuck is any trouble remind him you are supposed to visit the family at least once a month and we haven't seen you for quite a few."   
"That was not his fault, admittedly." Castiel bit his lip.  
"You- you didn't want to come home?" Micheal sounded hurt.  
"No, Micheal. I know you all love m now but you never did before. I couldn't ever help it. I couldn't stop being who i am, Micheal. I still can't. I need to come home, now, though. You were right." His voice broke, "It never helped anyone, and it never will."  
"That was not me, brother, ad you know that. I love you, and you need to come home. You need freedom. I know you love Dean, but he is hurting you for now, and until he remembers-"  
"Who told you." It was less of a question and more of a statement.   
"I heard it through the grapevine. As i was saying, Dean and you should stay apart until he is better. For your sake."   
"It wont be a long while, you realize." Castiel stated.  
"yes, I know. I will see you soon."  
"Goodbye."  
"Goodbye Castiel."

//YikEs that was a short chapter but i have all of 2 readers so i doubt anyone would care. I'm gonna self- promo on instagram later and get this ole' thing riled up. I promise i love you guys but i didn't know how to crank out so e inspiration so this chap kinds sucks. Thanks for the non-existent feedback. I'm just messing, love you little shits.


	12. Chapter 12

He did go home. He slugged through the strange mud-ice combination, and didn't bother to scrape the filth from his foot and off onto the cold ground to re-freeze. He lacked his usual jacket, and his jeans had brown stains at the knees and the cloth near his ankles and below was crusted in ice. Chuck and co were waiting for him at the door.

He must have looked worse than he felt, because his face earned a gasp from Gabriel, and Charlie winced. He strode past them in an attempt to break free of their glares that were colder than the ice enveloping his feet, but was grabbed, and turned reluctantly to face Chuck. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Chuck tried not to be angered.  
"I'm packing." The words all but slipped out of his mouth, reluctant as it was.  
"Where are you going." Castiel looked away.   
"Home." The words were hollow and no one wanted to hear them, not even Castiel, but they continued to pierce the silence like a dagger.

Chuck swallowed, and let go of Castiel. Cas made it to his room. He dragged his shirts off of the hangers and shoved them into his bag, that was now emptied onto his bed. He grabbed his laptop and put it in his bag, too. He got dressed properly, and looked into the mirror to see what the damage was. He flinched. He had a bruise on the side of his face, and a small cut on his nose. Honestly, he didn't care.

He threw the bag onto his back and waited on the porch.

"Cas."

"Sam."  
"You can't leave, Cas. Dean is going to need you, and-"  
"Dean doesn't remember who I am right now."  
"He will, though! He already remembers Charlie, because they spent more time together for a while."  
"When Dean remembers I will try to come here, but right now I can't be surrounded by this. I don't want Dean to remember me." Castiel admitted  
"What are you talking about? You love him!" Sam exclaimed.  
Cas rose, "You are correct, Sam. I love your brother, and-" He swallowed and his voice broke, "And he loved me, but he doesn't right now and he's hurt and it's my fault!  
"None of this is your fault, Castiel!" Sam exclaimed yet again.  
"If it wasn't for me, Dean would act straight, Dean would be with girls!" Castiel took a breath, "John would have never hurt him if i didn't, Sam! I'm so fucking selfish. I loved him so I had to make him love me and I made him were his own father hated him! I'm a fucking monster, Sam!" Castiel almost shrieked.  
Sam took a step towards Castiel, and put his hands on Cas' shoulders, before very calmly talking to him. "When did you fall in love with my brother?"  
"I- I dunno, ever since he and Lisa split." Castiel choked.  
"Dean- when we met you he wouldn't shut up about you. He asked me if you were gay, and then he continued to talk about how beautiful you were. He talked about how your hair was sloppy but he thought it was cute, and how he thought that you were out of his league." Sam paused. "You made my brother come out, but you made him happy, and in all of my living years I've never seen him truly happy."

Castiel sat back down and held his face in his hands. "I just can't be here right now, Sam. Leave me alone. Let me go."   
"I can't."  
"You don't understand, Sam. I' supposed to go every month and I haven't been in years. I would rather deal with my family than this and that says something."  
"What happened with your family?" Sam grew quiet.  
"My father is out of jail now." Castiel realized, a shiver shooting through him.   
"For what?" Sam inquired  
"I can't tell you, Sam." 

~~

When Michael and Lucifer arrived, Castiel almost didn't go. Every part of his mind and body was telling him to run, go find Sam, tell him to help him, get him to Dean. but he went. He gave a pleading smile to Gabriel, Anna, and Chuck, before turning to leave with the two older men.

Every step felt like his feet were made of lead, and had chains pulling him down. He couldn't see straight, and felt like he might puke, but he got in the back seat of their car. He ushered out air without noise when they asked questions, and tried to convince himself he wanted to go. His attempts to reach out to his hollowed mind failed, and he wanted to go back, but by the time he could have said this, they arrived, a town over, to the Novak household.


	13. Chapter 13

The house was grand, and could be mistaken for a mansion, if, of course, you had never seen a proper mansion. There were two floors, and a deck on the top. Staircases lead up to them, starting directly in front of where they met the deck, but curved a longways around before getting there. The doors were nearly black, contrasting with the white and marble exterior. He turned to pull the door handle to exit the car.

They walked for only a few seconds before his mother came out.

"Castiel!" She had a huge smile, and enveloped him in her arms in one swift motion. He winced when he was released, upon seeing the scar stretching from her ear to her mouth. "You haven't come in almost two years, Castiel, I was about to go to you!"

Castiel put on his fake smile that he basically had to wear when he was there. "I'm so sorry mother, I've had so much to do."

"Well, let's not waste time here." She took her son by the shoulder and lead him inside.

What happened next reminded him vaguely of 'The Sound Of Music'. Balthazar and Raphael came down one of the stairways, Naomi coming down the second set. One out of three were delighted to see him. Balthazar.

Balthazar always had a charming air to him, and golden hair. He still lived with his parents on account of being a flamboyant alcoholic. Raphael was young enough to be living with his parents, but still old enough to live on his own. Naomi was approaching 19.

"Cassie!" Balthazar called out. Castiel gave him a smile and released the arms he had unknowingly clutched to his chest to give him a hug.

Balthazar was a comforting presence. Raphael was brought into the household when he was around nine years old. Raphael was intense to say the least, but was a protective force for Castiel in front of his father. Naomi, Lucifer, and Balthazar had a different father than Michael and Castiel. It was the affair that created them, and it was the affair that Cas' father blamed for his abuse. 

"Castiel!" A deep grumble disguised a growl. No one knew what that man had done to him, other than Dean, Gabriel, and Castiel himself.

There seemed to be a stone stuck in Castiel's throat, because he merely turned.

"Come here, boy. I haven't seen you in years!" His father smiled at him.

His throat was thick, but he smiled, and approached his father. His smile was obviously strained, and he knew it, too. He could fake it for anyone else, but this man was the epitome of everything Castiel hated. His father offered his hand, and Castiel shook it, struggling not to shake. His memories flashed behind his blue eyes.

He smiled at the family and greeted everyone else. He then stalked up into the remains of his room, and threw himself into his bed. His room had remained untouched for the many years, the only change being that his old wardrobe was replaced now by a ebony wardrobe. He threw his clothes on into the space. 

~~~

His mother came in.   
"Castiel?" She called tenderly.  
"Yes, mother?"   
"I know you'd hate to have to transfer schools, so I'm going to see about online schooling. Would you like to help me choose the school?" She offered.   
Castiel sighed, "I don't care where I go." He didn't care, because he was going to graduate with Dean. He would go back. He had to. His mother left quietly. He pulled himself up, and went to the large kitchen. He knew that his mother had to cook for a lot of people, but the amount of space was surely extensive. He picked through the cabinets for something to eat.

He found girlscout cookies. It was not expected, but it was a welcome change to the healthy food his mother kept, undeniably for Naomi. He felt like there was nothing in hi stomach. It finally stuck to him, now. He hadn't eaten much in days, and he just noticed the pang of constant hunger. He grabbed the rest of the Do-Si-Dos, and retreated to his room.

//short af chapter i know i know but I have a really good way


	14. Chapter 14

Months pass.

~

"Get the fuck up, man." A voice shook him awake, and Castiel opened his eyes sleepily, body very much like lead. Who would be here in his room? It didn't sound like anyone he would be able to comprehend being here. His eyes snapped open finally, when he recognized that voice. 

"Charlie?" He shook off the sleep like a wet dog.  
"Yeah, It's me, and you need to get your stuff."   
"Charlie, I can't do that." Castiel's voice was thick with sleep.  
"Well you're going to. Dean's here, too." Charlie got off of him long enough for him to pick up a stray shirt from the floor and drape it on his thinning frame. Charlie took notice. "Been dieting?"   
"All they have here is healthy food, and I can't have coffee." Cas explained, looking for shoes he didn't need socks for.  
"Yeah, well, grab your shit. Jo's at the window." Charlie opened his drawers, and had somehow gotten to get his bag off of the corner of the bed. She started putting as much as possible in, not even flinching at the boxers that had bananas on them, just uttering a, "Bet Dean has some of these."

Castiel was too tired to know if this was a dream, so he just ripped the clothes in the closet down and stuffed them in. He paused.

 

"How did you get in? We're rich. We have an amazing security system."  
"Remember that time I let you play that rpg I 'found'?"   
"Yeah?"   
"I hacked that, and your security system was way easier."   
"That's assuring."

He opened the window, and sure enough, Jo was below, next to a red pickup truck that he knew none other than the Winchesters would be driving. He threw the bag down to her. Charlie was the one that went down first, showing him how to get down, and then he realized what was really going on. He was going home. He slung his legs around the window sill. He almost got down, when he fell from the last two feet up. It isn't easy to climb on two windows with three feet between them, and he would have made it, but his leg swung the feet down and do did the rest of him. 

He heard a car door shut, and footsteps. From the side of the car that Castiel could not see, Dean Winchester emerged. The glint in his eyes was back, and he looked down at him. Then, he changed in an instant. He was happy. Castiel felt the thing his biological parents had been trying to drill out of him. He felt the swell of his heart, and the plummet of his stomach. Dean almost tackled Castiel, be Cas just barely could hold him. Dean hang on to him like his life depended on it. He wasn't completely sure, but he thought he almost felt Dean's knees buckle.

Dean pulled away far enough to look him straight in the eyes.

"You left us, Cas."   
"But I'm coming back now. Novaks be damned." Castiel had no clue where his certainty had come from. 

A door slammed. Castiel turned enough to see his father, fists clenched, storming to them. He grabbed Dean's arm and hopped into the bed of the truck with strength he didn't know he had, and Sam slid over to let the girls in the front. The old engine sputtered and died for a moment, and Castiel's father could've made it to the car, to Castiel. His eyes looked black and cold, and he knew he'd only seen this expression once before. 

Dean kicked him square in the fucking face. The engine came to life with Dean still nearly hanging out of the truck, pulling up the tailgate. He turned back to Cas, who was visibly shaking.

The sound of a broken muffler drowned out everything going on. Castiel called to Dean, who was just getting up to him. "How much do you remember." His eyes were not the normal ocean expanse of blue. They were frosty, iced. Dull and Afraid.

Dean climbed up to Castiel, a hand placed on the side of the truck, and the rest of him hovering over Castiel. He looked into his eyes,"I can't remember the name of my seventh grade teacher. I can't remember who half of my relatives are. I can't remember how to fucking drive, Cas, but never forget what you told me, Baby. Trust me, I could never forget anything about you." 

Castiel pulled him down with unexpected forced as the truck entered the highway. Oh god, how they missed it. Castiel missed seeing Dean. He missed the feeling of his lips. He missed the comforting warmth that Dean carried around wherever he went. He missed the way Dean cupped his hands around his face, pulling him ever closer. And Dean missed all the same things.

Dean missed when they would watch movies. Dean missed when Castiel would sleep over, and his slender frame would wrap around his own, and all was right. He missed when Castiel would hold his hand over the blankets when he was almost asleep. He missed the way he would hold his hand under the table when they would go out to eat. He missed when he would bite off too much pie and have to chew with his mouth open. He missed how he smelled. He missed his voice. He didn't remember a lot, but it was enough.

He wrapped his arms around Castiel, tight, and afraid to let go. Castiel returned the gesture.

"Dean?"   
"Yes, baby?"  
"I let you go, and I am so sorry, but now that I have you, I'm never letting you go again."  
"I won't let go of you either, Cas."   
"Dean?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I love you. I'm always gonna love you."

 

END


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